I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
