see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
