This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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