Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
