He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
