I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
