i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
