he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
