why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
