i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They have beer where we have blood.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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