This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
