i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
