Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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