and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
