im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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