I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize