just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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