Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
