did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
