'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
