yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize