I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
