You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
