i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
