So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
