Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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