yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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