We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
