i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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