my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Randomize
