just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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