Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
