That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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