Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
