this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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