i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
