Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
