I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
