He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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