sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize