Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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