I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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