why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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