Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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