im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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