Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
BRING THE BAGELS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
