I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
