Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
