Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
