drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
