Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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