recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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