It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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