1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
