butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
