Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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