i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
