You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
