Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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