Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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