and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
