why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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