I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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