I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
