Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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