Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
