well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
