He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
