somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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