Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's like iHOP with fire
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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