the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize