Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
