I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just pee around me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
